Official Joke Thread!

Post by **BaronVonRotterdam** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:20 pm

Hi guys,

Please post all jokes in this forum to prevent forum clutter.

Post by **BaronVonRotterdam** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:21 pm

A picture says a 1000 words

Post by **BaronVonRotterdam** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:22 pm

Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive;with NO memory

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting

The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB

The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processordoesn't care

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus- Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5inch floppy ... then discards it through Windows

Post by **BaronVonRotterdam** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:27 pm

A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.
Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."
Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."
Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"
Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."
The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.
Mom : "Now what do I do?"
Son : "Get your ass out of bed, you *****, and fix that kid some ******* ice cream."

virussick · Post by **virussick** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:28 pm

paint

Post by **BaronVonRotterdam** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:28 pm

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.

She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"

Pyro89 · Post by **Pyro89** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:29 pm

paint

Pyro89 · Post by **Pyro89** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:29 pm

paint

Post by **BaronVonRotterdam** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 3:30 pm

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!"

The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

Bert · Post by **Bert** » Sat Apr 08, 2006 4:13 pm

Lmao paint.

Heard that air freshner one before though.

Some thieves broke in to my local police station today in a brazen robbery, they stole the toilets and left.

Earlier today A police spokesman said, "At the moment we've nothing to go on."

Oh and theres this..