TMoney96 wrote: I'm sure a lot of others have a MM addiction, like drae he plays so much!!!
hehe, yeah, i do have an addiction to this server's gameplay more than i wish i would have. i have played a lot of other servers, but never one that had this style of gameplay, interaction, and intensity. i guess its the constant adrenaline pump from hoping to get great, dominating weapons and the fear of always a monster than can rub one out almost every other map. and the last 3 waves that really have one on the run! i will admit...i think i need to slightly cut back this ut2004 time a little, i do probably play 6 hours a day and its kind of keeping me from other persuits, but i don't think i could ever stop this completely.
as far as intoxicants go, my experiences with them started when i was 16. after a suicide attempt prompted by reasons i will not go into, i was taking antidepressants and seeking therapy for a few months. then a good friend of my next older sister one night took me aside in the basement and said he knew what went on and wondered if i would like something that would offer a happiness, even if it was not a real brand of happiness---marijuana. at this point, i still was not all that great in mind though a little better, so i was a little hesitatant since schooling's brainwashing made me believe that pot was going to kill me. yet i heard through the times it was just another thing to do tht felt good.
so with nothing to lose, i did it with him that night. oh my god..that first experience i was like..letting everything ever built up in me that was upsetting and disturbing and stressing just flow out in almost a half hour's worth of laughing and feeling a blissful sense of soft ecstasy course through my body until it tapered down to high mellowness, joviality, and a feeling of having a soul open tio the entire universe..connected to *all*. the next day i felt freshed, never like i felt before with a sense of relief and little weight on my spirit and mind. he stopped by again since it was saturday and we got high once more. he said we could do this every weekend if i wished, and the next year or so we did every since weekend and a bit more often through the summer. this is also when he introduced me to alcohol and tobacco as well, which became mixed into many of those moments.
half a year after turning 17, i graduated from high school in the top 10% of my class, and totally bummed out that summer. i was getting stoned every day, all day long, feeling a sense of belonging, happiness, and spiritual connection constantly...and a sensitivity to life of all kind, oncluding other people. this substance has changed me, it has opened me up to knowing what existance was in not just myself, but to understand and respect that in others as well. it also...umm...really bring out the horniness at certain times in me too. and when you mention about the feeling with shrooms..i mean...damn..self-pleasuring when high has been greater than most sexual experiences i have had with another thus far except those times i was high with the one (no not my sisters friend
) i was with.
at 18, i worked a year at UPS and hated it, but i would work, get high, sleep, work, get high etc etc until that very same friend's dad needed a new hand for his business. this business was installing and maintainings/repairing beer, liquor and soda systems. i was to be an unofficial worker, paid under the table, but to learn and do everytihng needed. so with a really high pay rate and tax-free, i jumped at this and we worked together for nearly 4 years. and yes, to test these lines, you need to run out the fluids for proper carbonation and nitrogen levels, as well as testing line equaoity so no foaming occurs. i would get to drink all the runoff so as long there wasn't a following job needing done. he drove his dad's business car, so i was fortiunate to not let things get fully wasted.
my friend got married when i was around 22, and he moved across the country to work in the partner dicision of the company of his dad's and also closer to where his waife wanted to live in her dream part of the country. half a year later, his dad closed his division and i was out of work. i got messed up with the associates of my friend's and i's for half a year, really not knowing what i was going to do then for work. that time period was horrid for me...i started trying other things, like painkillers, lsd, shrooms, amphtetamines, and cocaine along with the usual pot and alcohol. i can remember two of the nights where i was paralyzed on the floors of strange bathrooms, puking, and shaking, and sweating...feeling like i needed to be taken to the hospital. but i didn't..those other people were...not people. they said they couldn't, they didn't want to go anywhere and put themselves at risk to expose what substances i took to anyone. it was the second time, where it was so horrible, i puked, crapped myself, peed myself, drank and splashed water from the toilet to keep myself from burning up..and whike my body was hard to control, my mind was experiencing pain and torsture from overdosing like i will never forget. those guys the next day picked me up and dropped me off on my parent's lawn and drove off. i was horrible the next couple days, but i made it, and i told my family it was extreme alcohol poisoning and not what it really was. i realized that i missed my friend and how things were with him, he was a great and honorable guy and would never have put me in those situations. i never contacted or accepted visits or phone calls from them again..and they usually only tried to bother me to see if i had anything i could share with them when they were out. i didn't...they were my only sources anyways.
i didn't know what to do after that..and i didn't want to work at a lame job. so i applied to a university , was accepted, and got an apartment near there with a strangers as a roomate. i never made any friends at school except classmates that was all related simply to the work since i started feeling wary of people after that situation. my rommate was with a girlfriend and spent most time with her, but we got along fine and drank occasionally. he had no pot sources...and i was rather afraid to try and find another source. because of legal matters.
of everything i ever did, pot was truly the truest good substance of intoxication, it was safe, no bad aftereffect, and always a gauranteed good feel, and i wanted it so bad now and then since life can be rather droll. i got more into gaming in free time for this reason too, as well as forming friendships to people online from all over ther country or even world. believe it or not, my oldest sister would get me some a few times through the year and still, about a quarter ounce to last me a week or so. she said she wasn't going to get me any more than what she decided nor reveal her sources because she didn't want me to lose focus in schooling and life..and yeah, pots only bad thing is that it can weaken motivation and willpower for doing much of anything else than whats truly necessary as i have found.
i graduated at 26 cum laude with gpa of 3.47, so my past experiences did not kill my brain as one would think, and with a double major of biology and informatics, i was poroud to make it through. i moved back home after that because my mom and dad have noone else to help them out. they are both rather old and host a myriad of many physical problems that make many things impossible to do. my two oldest sisters have families and lives of their own, and my young sister is..a selfish, ungrateful wench and does nothing outside her own personal concerns. i was offered a job by my oldest sister's husband in his mortgage company's IT department and also as the guy who does little errands for him and others who need it. my hours are not fixed, but i need to at least put 25-30 hours in he asks. thats fine, and i do it well and my efforts are appreciated by him and my coworkers there a lot. i may not rake in more than 25k a year, but i do fair enough since my major expense in life is my car and helping pay for some of the things in my parent's household.
ok, well back to the drug topic. yes, maybe 2-3 weeks a year i have pot. usually at xmas and new year's, mid-spring, and mid-summer. truthfully, i would like to have a little every weekend or such, because it is something i have and always will enjoy partaking in. when i hear how so many of you are high so often, i feel a bit of jealousy -..- but i am glad you guys are happy and feelgood. i don't drink any more either...its just not pleasing to me. sure there is the first couple hours liberation feeling from it, but after that i get so funky feeling and drained, then i just want to sleep.
i also find it hard to play ut2004 when stoned...when i get all anxious and excited when high, i start to shake and my hands don't handle the keyboard or mouse well. i still do well, but damn, i would hate to have anyone seem me how i look when like that <,,< oh, and like turkeyfromhell, when i am high i as well get a very soft and high voice, like an innocent little kid's. i don't know why, but it just changes how i speak. it would be nice, though, to have something to fully unwind with semi-regularly since i don't drink and rarely buy cigarettes any more. i don't really find much enjoyment or pleasure in my life, and i guess the online community in Second Life, and the contribution of helping win here is something special to me outside my home life. without these, all i would be is a worker for my brother in law, and the house-worker-errand-boy for my parents.
and thats it, another long entry of mine. i suppose i unveil all this about me since i don't type a whole lot in game, nor am i really able to voice chat either, so few can get to know me in this online context. i am just a player who loves this game, and behind the player is a person like the rest of you, sharing similar interests and experiences of life.
... doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that one out